#especially the tag function
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Welcome to Tumblr!!! Your art is very cool!! I'm sure you'll figure out the functions of the site pretty quick btw (though I can totally see why they'd be confusing)
:D
THANK U SM!!! :D tumblr is definitely pretty different than some of the other sites i post on but im actually enjoying it sm (+ i had a good tumblr teacher LMAO)
#this site is so fun tho#especially the tag function#ITS SO SILLY#now i just need to make art to actually post#TY FOR THE ASK THO#UR SO SWEET
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USE MOUTHWASH / DO NOTHING
#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#<— is this how character tagging works here lol#the visuals of this game are so good. the ps2 aesthetics mixed with a lot of memorable imagery#+ the way that the mechanics/structure of the game are deeply important to its narrative & themes#i.e. the use of pov switches the time jumps & the railroading—#these could have been just stylistic choices but here they are functional AND stylistic#the fact that you are railroaded into decisions…#while in other games this might feel frustrating/simplistic#here it only adds to the impending sense of dread and horror and disgust#especially when they’ve shown you an outcome and then send you back to inevitably be the cause of that outcome#the choice has already been made. it’s already been done.
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thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
#humans are space orcs#humans in space#earth is a deathworld#earth is space australia#tagging this so that ppl can find it even though the space shit i write about always feels like its in direct opposition to all the pop tag#also my biggest pet peeve in all of writing - all writing. everywhere. not just in fanfic but books and tv and movies too - is when people#write off an injury by saying something like 'oh nothing bad just a couple of scratches some bruising and a minor concussion' like girl WHA#MiNOr ConCuSSioN is such an oxymoron and I hate it so fucking much. like i dont care how minor it was thats still brain damage.#especially when the same character does this more than once. like im sorry ms. but uh. you can no longer read. or talk eloquently. sorry#evidence: my brother has had two 'minor' concussions and now cannot read write or speak without tremendous effort. And like its totally#ruined my ability to watch action shows/movies because now i just sit there and count how many concussions there characters are getting#after a certain point it becomes totally impossible to believe that these guys are able to function. (still fun to watch tho im not a hater
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#shedinja#aha! the reason i made all those qualifications in the tags of the ninjask post!!#muncher#it's shedinja. i love this thing#such a cool and unique pokémon. interesting concept‚ very unique design both looks- and functionality-wise#wonder guard is nuts. and it's a cool typing as well. ESPECIALLY since it works well with wonder guard to give it a ton of#weaknesses to make it not absolutely busted#it's great! i wish it was. stronger!#like if you're gonna do glass cannon at least do the cannon part
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curse you genetics!!
bonus:
#p5r#shuake#art tag#persona#when akechi was like YEAH SHIDO IS MY FATHER#my legit first thought was#OMG NO NOT THE EARLY BALDING GENES#as per usual my renren is an idiot to the highest degree#akechi is consoled by the girls#he has no idea how the phantom thieves functioned#this guy is his rival??? gods give him strength#ANYWAY im not sure how you guys tag the joker akechi ship#to you guys does it matter if i say shuake or akeshu??#especially if i am just drawing dumb stuff like this#in my head they are free to switch around anyway :)
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Thought posed:
Danny does the college stuff and interning for stuff at Wayne Enterprises while living in Gotham, but he doesn’t catch the Bats attention because he simultaneously is both Just Normal Enough while the Bats are Slightly Out Of Step of normal long enough that things with Danny don’t catch their attention. (Gotham as a whole is a huge ‘well this might as well happen’ place and after however many years…the threshold is a bit off for weirdness. Pair that up with normal Batdrama and role-code-switching and minor things are likely going to be subconsciously overlooked if not clocked as Dangerous.)
(Does Danny know the Bats’ IDs? … He would deny it if asked. Not his circus business though. He does think it’s smart that they at least try to cover their faces, unlike when he played the hero. He meets Clark before Superman and feels like he’s on the Office or something.)
Danny moves on with the astro-stuff (whether an astronaut, an astrophysicist, or whatever else) in another city and catches the attention of another hero as Not Normal, What’s Up With That Guy?? (two parts coincidence, one part Danny’s willingness to trust for the better, one part Uncanny) and they track his history to Gotham/WE and decide to ask the Batclan if they knew anything.
They find out nothing really is wrong with Danny (…the JLD was not called or conferred with, unfortunately for all) but it does spark the reeducation refresher of the Gotham Clan for Human Weirdness (that also educated the rest in just how messed up Gotham can be).
#and then at the end Danny shows up in space or whatever idk#part as just a normal thing he does that didn’t catch attention before#part because the heroes were not subtle and Danny wants to fuck with them#Danny’s stuff is more background to the reeducation of Gotham vigilantes’ perspective of normalcy#I figure that with enough time some things that were Big News is now not and therefore doesn’t reach far#especially is Gotham had a period of not being able to rely on anything but itself#adult Danny Fenton#he’s in his 30s#two decades dead and a year or two off of finding out he’s functionally immortal#GIW not really an issue#governmant agencies may be watching him to use him for nefarious purposes (saving money on budgets with this overpowered space weirdo)#I’m on the astronaut Danny fenton tag again#lol#dpxdc#ao3#op#Danny stared at Clark for 20 seconds without blinking during an interview and the déjà vu sense clocked him as alien#Clark was concerned when his interviewee spaced out mid word. saw him later when he saved him from a car later and the guy just…sighed?#the only thing he says as he walks away?#goddamnit wes. every effing time. should probably look into that.
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I want harry and kim to hold hands, keeping eachothers fingers warm in the chill sea air. I want them to share a pot of tea, extra cream and suger in harrys comedically tiny mug. I want them to relax, enjoying eachothers company, without needing to full the air with words. I want harry and kim to bump uglies. I want them to get silly in public with no sense of pride. I want-
#obsessed obsessed with these middle aged homos literally. what the fuck. disco elysium is the game of all time disco elysium is the light#a light and overflowing muse of inspiration. im also glad i got into it 'late' bc now its my little world#also i looked though many disco tags and man. yall really dont know how to draw middle aged balding men do you? especially if they're fat#and canonically an alcoholic who does a cocktail of drugs just to function. if your harry isnt stinky and weird i dont want him!!!!!!!!!!!#disco elysium#goober.txt
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First ever art of him, Ngl it's not too bad but still pretty old
Vs. The newest one, It's on a read more bc it has some blood {probably the only thing i'll ever draw with blood again bc i hate everything that has to do with gore lol}
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Still rlly happy about how it came out :]
#ender's tag#my art#popee the performer#tw: blood#<- not too graphic but still#also not rlly related but some mf stole 5 pages of my sketchbook irl and i haven't been functioning properly since#i swear to god it's been like TWO FUCKING TIMES ALREADY#still pretty upset about it bc they were a few of my fav art ;-; ESPECIALLY THE ONE WITH SOX AND WOODY 💀#i'll try to b more careful but stil god damn it#anyways i have other art of this fucker but i'll post it when i'll color it
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isnt it so interesting and so reflective of being a teenage girl how the yellowjackets collectively and sort of automatically/instinctively assign certain roles to certain members of the group, often roles that involve getting their hands dirty and doing things that are anywhere from gross to ethically questionable to truly morally reprehensible but necessary for their survival, because no one else can stomach it, and then they punish her for acting out the exact same role that they assigned her?
#im thinking of nat the hunter lottie the girlprophet and shauna the butcher here#roles that feel like they were created just to be hated and scorned#i mean i think it makes sense on a certain level that the group dynamic NEEDS clearly defined roles to function#especially in such a precarious situation#and someone has to play each role#but those three in particular seem to be set up to fail#they're damned if they do damned if they dont#i may elaborate on this eventually but i feel like i need to see the full extent of the wilderness play out first#but to my other point its ACTUALLY LITERALLY JUST EXACTLY THE TEENAGE GIRL EXPERIENCE#you get put in a box and if you try to get out of it then everyone hates you#but if you live up to the expectations everyone still hates you#ok after so many tags im arriving at my thesis statement#its about how the group is so prepared to punish people for the very things they know they benefit from#do you feel me?#ok. anyway ending this here unless i get a second wind and want to delve into specifics#yellowjackets
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You ever see a post that you agree with and you wanna add on your own two cents but your brain is like "Hmmmm.... nah. I wanna watch House MD clips instead."
#Like it's a good discussion about V3's narrative and why it doesn't work in some parts#Especially because from what I can remember#V3 was written and then Kodaka said “I'm done with Killing Games”#The bitterness/exhaustion of upkeeping a series when he clearly wanted to move on to do bigger and better things is probably--#--why V3 is the way it is#Why it's even called V3 in the first place#V3#53#53 seasons of a show/game#I wonder if part of Kodaka dreaded the idea of getting stuck on the same franchise for that long#That feeling of dread and resentment towards your own creation because people won't let you do the things YOU want to do must've felt like.#Really soul crushing#People joked about 100 Day Academy being just like DR but it's not actually like it. It's a whole different genre from what I know#it's a Survival Game. /Not/ a Killing Game.#And this is the game that Kodaka is putting his heart and soul into from what I've seen#Like he went into DEBT over this game you DO NOT go into debt over a creation unless you are insane about it#People joke about how he wants to write more DR content so bad but. I really doubt he actually does. Apparently nothing is stopping him.#I think he loves the thing he created sure#But he doesn't want to create anymore for it#He's /tired./#His exhaustion shows in how V3's narrative functions#As a creator he wants to do other shit and he was essentially being forced to create more of the same content. He was creatively stunted.#Editing the tags because apparently tumblr decided the other part of my rant was too much LMAO
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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sorry to ramble in your inbox (feel free to ignore this ofc) but you are the only person on my dash being realistic about misogyny rn
I'm so annoyed by the posts like "men are being ignored by women and that's why they aren't supporting us". Because the feminist movement for over a decade has had a focus on supporting men, especially with mental health. And there's a whole month (this month!) that is focused around men's health (mostly physical but with some mental as well). And women are all over the internet encouraging men to do things like go to therapy. The list goes on.
and the fact that they know (or acknowledge) none of that shows how much posturing it all is.
"complete strangers made generalizations I didn't like on the internet so it's their fault I'm a misogynist" I am going to scream.
god i can’t stand how much the feminist movement centers men. I feel like honestly part of the problem is ppl don’t see women as a marginalized group even when women are clearly facing really brutal oppression, bc subconsciously they think that’s how it’s supposed to be.
And like , when they acknowledge women as oppressed, its never acknowledged as being done by men— there’s always some invisible boogeyman doing it: “the government” or “capitalism” or “society”. All these very vague gender neutral concepts.
The fact that it’s taboo to actually acknowledge women have an oppressor and that oppressor is MEN drives me insane. Among leftist groups it’s at its most hypocritical. They are so clearly able to understand oppression, and the dynamic between oppressed and oppressor…until it’s women. Then suddenly we’re equal apparently.
And that’s something men want, that’s why they push so hard for this narrative that “men’s issues are different but just as bad” (even tho that’s 100% fucking false lmao) because it means that they’re distanced from accountability, and women aren’t suffering anymore than them so really those bitches should just shut up about it.
It’s disgusting and intentional and I encourage any woman reading this to stop caring about “mens rights”. They already have rights.
It’s like, think about how offended ppl were when straight ppl requested their own month. Think about how blatantly racist it sounds when white ppl try to imply they’re oppressed for being white.
now unpack why you don’t feel that way with mennn
#ask tag#sexism#sorry this is only kind of related to the ask 😭#I hope more ppl are anti sexist on ur dash anon#Also ok i generally dislike using racism as an argument when it’s about smth that isnt about racism#bc I’m indigenous and it annoys me so much when ppl just use it as a ���gotcha”#Like the amount of times white ppl use anti-native and anti-black racism as an easy gotcha move is crazy#BUT when it’s about sexism and hypocrisy in talking about women’s oppression#I’ll bring it up#Bc also the way sexism and racism function is way more similar than anyone talks about#Not identical but the whole hating you from birth outcasting you for your appearance making you seem uneducated and uncivilised#While simultaneously preventing you from getting an education so you stay uneducated and therefore easy to control and keep down#Fetishizing and killing you as a powerplay#Keeping you from voting keeping you from seeing any significant power#Unfair imprisonment (like how despite less women ending up in jail they tend to be there for more minor crimes with longer sentences)#Being systematically forced into poverty and having your body systemically controlled#(Note - specifically talking about cis women here. For trans women it’s a mix of some of this and a lot of really brutal homophobia)#Anyway#Oh also police brutality especially against female DV survivors#It just shocks me how ppl talk about sexism
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//Sometimes there will be a time Lambda reaches for something, say a window. He reaches for it, sees the claws at the ends of his hands where his nails used to be and drags them down the window. They make a horrible noise as they scratch against it, of course but he's fixated on them. He can still feel the pressure of them pressing against the window, like he would when he had nails. What is different is the trail left behind. How easily he could cut into the glass.
Sometimes he'll be messing with a bandana as he ties it into a loose shape so it'll serve as a headband. The kind with a bow pointing up in the air. He gets distracted then too. Sturdy material, too dense for him to tear apart unless it was worn down with age. His fingers tighten around the bow. Now he could tear through it like it was nothing, just like that. If he really wanted to.
He stares down at his hands more than he thinks. As if he's expecting something to happen. As if he can push down and ignore the small (it's larger than he thinks) part of him that mourns what was once there.
#//thinking about the oc again SQUEEZES HIM#//sorry to drop this on dash but i was thinking about this#//for as much as he pushes it down and tells himself this is his new normal there will always be a point where he goes to do something-#//- (usually mundane) and he's hit with the reminder that he's barely got a body anymore. all he is now is a bunch internal organs-#//- and veins crammed full and combined with wires and a head on top of a metal suit#//sure it functions the same and can serve as his body and as much as he owns it as something that is now his and his alone-#//- it serves as a reminder that he isn't a normal person anymore. that he can so easily tear through things now. that he has-#//-to be careful with whatever and whoever he touches now#//and i think to some degree that does make him sad. even if he won't admit to anyone but especially himself. since usually he's-#//-so content to throw himself into something that could distract him instead of facing it head on#//AND I JUST#//YEAH WAUGH SORRY ABOUT THE TAG SPAM I HAD TO GET THIS ALL OUT DGBHNJBGFHN#backup log {ooc}
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time to play a game of "should I go to the doctor's or is my body just being extra silly"
#if anyone with actual confirmed chronic/on-and-off illness (especially anemic ppl) could tell me at what point hospital is a good idea??#because it's bearable#im functioning i guess#but not all that well#and i cant tell if my depression is just having extra intense physical symptoms#or if i have something actually wrong with my body#or did my lack of caring for myself due to depression just push me into a minor basic sickness??#but i have had some issues with low iron and stuff on and off in childhood that was confirmed by a doctor#and this feels kind of similar but worse#so thats why im leaning towards possibly being anemic#anemia#anemic#chronic illness#idk how to tag this im so sorry im just looking for input form people that might know what theyre talking about
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wwx has bipolar disorder I know this in my heart
#enough about adhd wei wuxian we all know he has adhd#i think he should also be bipolar!!!#they are often comorbid!!!#idk i just think about his yiling laozu days#and how he was probably going through manic and depressive episodes#throwing himself into creating inventions for days on end barely sleeping or eating#or holing away in his cave for days. drowning in self loathing and refusing to drag himself out of bed#all of this exacerbated by all the trauma he's experienced and his already volatile emotional state#whenever i write wwx please know im writing him with this in mind#especially in a modern au. if he's functioning at all in a modern au it is because one of his loved ones dragged his ass to therapy#and got him medicated#i have a modern au where jc and wwx live together#and despite driving each other nuts it's better for their mental health#bc jiang cheng's abandonment issues can be abated somewhat with wwx's company#and wwx's mental health is better bc jc forces him to stay on top of his meds#these tags are getting long. anyway. binghe has bpd and wwx has bipolar what b disorder does hua cheng have
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Honestly, knowing people who have substance addictions and comparing that to my relationship with self harm is predictable but unsettling
#Ive known its an addiction for years but like it really just is huh. This is just an addiction that I fell into#Tw sh#Tw self harm#I dont really know where im going with this but I fucking hope I get sepsis and die#I hate how much of a burden I am on other people lately especially my closest friends#But I know that if they left id die anyways#I hate that ive made them make this decision qnd I hate that theyve decided to stay#Ive been trying to slowly drive away some of my closer friends at least to a point where they wont notice/care if I die#I dont want to make it to sixteen#I know it was like this last time bht fuck I dont want to keep being alive I want this to be my last year#Ive done enough#tw sui ideation#I will never be able to safely function on my own without ending uo seriously hurting or killing myself#And I will never be able to rely on people without hating myself to the point of suicidality#Maybe if I thought they did it out of love rather than obligation it would be different but theyve made it clear enough#Im just a chore for them to deal with and set aside until I can actually take care of myself#Rationally I know im wrong I know im cared for but fuck. They sure dont like letting me see it#You can say you care for me thousands of times and its not gonna be worth shit when im in the ground#vent blog#vent post#shblur#tw self h4rm#self h@rm#Bro idk the shblr tags help
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